Stubborn Praise

Those who know me well would include the modifier 'stubborn' as one of the character traits that I pocess. Enough said!  Today, I choose to apply that bent toward the good...praising God in the hard and painful places of life. January 17, 2013 marks ten years since the car crash that shattered our 'perfectly ordered lives'. Yet, praise in the midst of remembering is my response of thought and posture of my heart today.

Praise because:

Greg is at home with Jesus

Steve will one day be gloriously restored from his broken body and mind

Randy and I will be reunited with Greg some day

God is soverign and He is LOVE

Jesus is our Living HOPE

God's Word reveals His plan of redemption in ALL things

The Holy Spirit is our Comforter and Counselor ministering to the broken places in our hearts.

This morning the embrace shared with Randy spoke deeply to me.  I felt, too the very real embrace of my Father God, especially as I quietly watched the sunrise on the hills of Arizona.  One very special song, that has ministered deeply to my soul, I Will Praise Him Still by Fernado Ortega came to mind.  It expresses perfectly with all the emotions of this anniversary date that I will mark until time is redefined in the Kingdom yet to come.

 

When the morning comes on the farthest hill
I will sing His name, I will praise Him, still.
When dark trials come and my heart is filled
With the weight of doubt, I will praise Him, still.

(Chorus)
For the Lord, our God, He is strong to save
From the arms of death, from the deepest grave,
And He gave us life in His perfect will,
And by His good grace, I will praise Him, still.

When the morning comes on the farthest hill
I will sing His name, I will praise Him, still.
When dark trials come and my heart is filled
With the weight of doubt, I will praise Him, still.

For the Lord, our God, He is strong to save
From the arms of death, from the deepest grave,
For the Lord, our God, He is strong to save
From the arms of death, from the deepest grave,
And He gave us life in His perfect will,
And by His good grace, I will praise Him, still.

Drought

The farm is officially drought stricken.  What began as strange weather patterns last fall, winter and spring has manifested into the most severe drought this area in Illinois has experienced in decades.  

The common condition of drought has unified people of all backgrounds, beliefs and profession.  Strangers engage in meaningful conversation about when ‘the next chance of precipitation is predicted’ and together, they feel they have connected with a common concern.  People look heavenward, whenever a cloud appears on the horizon, with hope for restoration of adequate moisture.

Randy & I spent a few moments a couple weeks ago standing at the edge of our parched cow pasture, looking up expectantly at the approaching rain clouds.  It became clear, however, that the clouds that evening would not yield showers on our land but the limited spurts of moisture would fall several miles either side our farm.  In the midst of the disappointment something remarkable happened…an amazing sunset.

The beauty of God was breathtaking that particular evening.  His presence enveloped our hearts with a sure confidence of His faithfulness…even in the midst of declining yields.  Photographing and capturing that moment was an act of worship for me.  It was a time of reaffirming in my heart what I knew to be true…God is good, He is ultimately in control, and He desires our sacrifice of praise, especially in the hard times.

The drought has not ended here on the farm since that evening.  The grass still crunches under my shoes as I walk across our once green and lush yard.  But I am comforted by God’s faithfulness of the past (in my story and in the story of Scripture).  Mine is not to question, but to daily commit to placing ultimate HOPE and trust in Him.  

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, 
     and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails, 
     and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields, 
     and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord! 
     I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

Habakkuk 3:17-18 NLT

Long Walk 2012

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you. 

Ps 25:4-5 NLT

The Long Walk is a tradition of the Daily Audio Bible community that I have come to embrace with great expectancy…knowing that God would speak deeply into my heart as He has in the years past that I have deliberately set aside time to cease the clamor of the normal routine to instead come to rest at His feet to simply chose the ‘better thing’. 

I left home early (for a Saturday) and ventured to our local State Park.  I traveled through a Wind Farm and pulled over to capture a moment.  

I loved the fact that the many wind turbines represented so many others united today within the DAB Community with one goal…to spend time walking with Jesus with the intent to simply be with Him fully in the moment and to listen to what He would speak into each one’s heart.

The park is a bit of a small oasis on the otherwise flat, monotonous miles of Central Illinois farmland.  It was just the change of venue that opened my heart, my senses, and my spirit to hear Him and see Him with greater clarity. 

 The sights and sounds of a quiet wooded path are so different from the sterile, controlled surroundings of my normal workday world.  I felt the heat of the day, the few gentle breezes, watched birds, squirrels and butterflies, and enjoyed the sounds of rustling leaves and crunching twigs under my feet.  In all those things, I saw and heard God!

 The trails I wandered had unique treasures to experience.  Weeds obscured one path.  I could barely see the way, but as I looked forward, with the goal in mind, rather than consumed by each step, the way became clearer…and I saw purpose (HOPE).  I heard God urge me to trust Him deeper in the whole of the journey, rather than to focus on the weeds of life.    He is faithful to show me the path and to go before me in the journey.

 I found a quiet bench in the midst of one of the trails.  Since the heat was extreme today, I pretty much had the trails to myself.  I read, I meditated on God’s Word, and I listened.  I rested in the quiet hush of beauty and was embraced by the Creator of it all.

The song that was playing in my ear buds when I began the walk:  

You Captivate Me - The People's Church 

Every time that I am still

I hear You calling out to me

Every time I close my eyes

I see you standing there

Every time you touch my soul

I feel the warmth of your embrace

Every time I run to you

You never turn away

When I am weak

You are still strong

You are the one who has left me undone

You captivate me

You set me free

You fill up my heart with grace that I need

You captivate me

Here in the quiet I hear you speak to me

Filling my thoughts, my heart, my everything

I hang on every word just like a child

My eyes are fixed on You

You are my desire

Release

 

Dreams remind me of beautiful free falling feathers...much like the iconic feather that floats throughout the movie Forrest Gump.  There is a lightness of spirit, and delicate beauty that each dream seems to embody.  Feathers (Dreams) are strong, yet fragile.  

Today I packed and sealed a dream into 3 boxes.  The dream that I had nurtured and held close to my heart since the birth of our sons had to be released.  But in the release of the dream, a new HOPE solidly slipped into the vacant place in my heart.

The 3 boxes held childhood story books that I had read for hours to Steve and Greg as I rocked them to sleep and later read as they settled down for an afternoon nap or a long night of slumber.  The dream was to one day read those same books to their children...my future grandchildren.  However, the events of January 2003 ended the reality of that dream.

The HOPE that took the place of the dream, today, is because of the destination of the 3 boxes of books.  The books that I dreamed would some day be enjoyed by my grandchildren, will instead be treasured by children in Rwanda through a mission project sponsored by The Daily Audio Bible - Cargo of Dreams.   Instead of a closet full of broken dreams, the books will now represent HOPE that life and joy (beauty from ashes) can rise from great sadness.

 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.

Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV

While my emotions may be close to the surface this evening, the deep joy of knowing that LIFE continues and HOPE remains sustains.  I smile knowing that soon children who have so little and have lost so much through the horror of genocide, will experience joy in something as simple as a story book.  

To Rwanda with all my love...

Good Friday - Holy Saturday

These last days of Lent are powerful.  They are a time to set aside deliberate time to contemplate the ultimate sacrifice of Christ for humanity.  Too often, the urgent drowns out the important.  The rush of work, the taunt of obligation, and the gasp of weariness are enemies of our souls.  It is ironic that we think that as we are in the midst of these things that we are experiencing ‘real life’.  In fact, these things keep us from TRUE LIFE. 

True Life is found in Jesus, His agenda, and His Kingdom.  The Bible tells us (pleads with us) to seek first His Kingdom.  It is when Kingdom thoughts and ways are central in our desires and priorities that we are walking within the power of His Life.  It is so important, especially on days like today, to still our hearts to think on these things.

The above picture is from the Church of the Holy Sepulchure.  This is where historically the church has thought Jesus was crucified and buried.  Praise God, another name for this place is the Church of the Resurrection.

This painting, however, has remained in my thoughts and heart.  The anguish and pain of the crucifixion and burial of Christ is captured in a stark, dramatic mosaic.  These past 2 days, especially, these images have burned into my mind.  

Silence and tears seemed the only response fitting at the time.  But…while I considered all I was seeing, the words to a haunting hymn rose to the surface of my heart as well.  While I did not sing aloud, my heart quietly echoed these words as my prayer of contemplation, adoration and worship.  These remain even truer this evening…Holy Saturday…before the dawn of Easter Sunday:

What Wondrous Love Is This
American Folk Hymn

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this
That caused the Lord of bliss
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul!

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down
Beneath God’s righteous frown,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul for my soul,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.

To God and to the Lamb I will sing, I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb,
Who is the great I AM,
While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing,
While millions join the theme, I will sing.

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.
And when from death I’m free
I’ll sing His love for me,
And through eternity I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,
And through eternity I’ll sing on.

 

Time Passes

This lilac bush has produced blooms on the farmstead for many years.  Randy believes that possibly 5 generations of Arends have witnessed the beauty of the flowers, and the thrill of catching the scent of the season as the soft breeze of Spring passes by.

Oh, if this lilac bush could talk.  I would love to hear what the farm was like in the early years.  A 2-story frame house once stood near the barn and the rebuilt horse shed floor still gives evidence of a time when horses were necessary to work the land, bring in the harvest, and travel into town for Sunday services.  As the wind whispers through the leaves and blossoms, my mind longs to hear the stories of times long ago.

My time in Israel was full of similar moments.  Every place told a story of long ago.  Ruins remained where the temple once stood in Jerusalem.   Piles of stones and caves remained where Biblical Shiloh was located.  And temple steps where Jesus taught the priests still stand.  Oh how wonderful if these inanimate remnants could speak.  Yet, we have the Bible, God’s revealed word that tells the stories.

Time passes.  Buildings tumble…trees and shrubs grow, flourish and then are cut down.  Generations live and die.  The Bible is not that way:

The grass withers, the flower fades,
    but the word of our God will stand forever.

                                                                                                            Isaiah 40:8 ESV

God's Word reveals the past, is ever active in the present and will remain in the future.  Praise God for His faithfulness to all generations! 

Scratching the Surface

The second full day of travel and experiences in Israel were emotional, amazing and stretching. We began the day with a tour through an historical Biblical garden on the grounds of our hotel. The outstanding display of the garden was a scale size replica of the Tabernacle. Once inside the hotel we heard the owner/proprietor share his experiences with terror inside the very hotel we were staying at and down the street from his hotel at the gas station on the corner. It was especially emotional as he showed us the medals he was awarded when he put his life in danger to successfully subdue one of the suicide bombers .

We then proceeded deeper into the West Bank, in a secure bus to Shiloh...a place spoke of in the days of at the Tabernacle. The site we visited is believed to be the place where God dwelt among His people in the holy of holies. It was also there where Samuel heard the voice of God as a young boy. I walked and considered what it must have been like to literally see the hills surrounding this site full of men, women and children who gathered to worship and to hear from God through the ministry of the priests.

One scripture came to mind as I sat and considered all those things yesterday morning:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you - the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forever.

Psalm 121

Later in the afternoon, as a group, we were led in a responsive reading of the above scripture. That moment was very special for me...confirmation that this was one of the messages God had for my heart that day of travel.

The picture above was symbolic of another thing I felt near the end of the day. We were in the midst of traveling to the next site when our guide pointed out this specific scene. He said this is known as "Scraping the Surface"...an archaeological dig in process. I, too, feel like all I have seen and experienced is a mere 'scraping of the surface' of so much more. I am so very thankful to be a part of this trip to indeed dig deeper!